Wow. I did it. I opened the blogger app and started putting words down again. It's been awhile. A loooooonnnnngggggg while since I've been here. Free to write what I have been thinking, feeling, doing. I have this tendency to avoid. I avoid confrontation, anxiety, problems and feelings. And when I write I can no longer avoid so I avoid writing. I miss it yet I avoid it. Recently, however, I made myself a goal. A goal that's not completely about running, yet it is. And in order to go for it then I have to go for it here too. I have to grow my blog and my audience before I even have a chance for what I want. And it's scary. Super scary.
I've been feeling off lately and well in my running world the word failure keeps creeping in. My body is changing, my running is changing and while it's all for the best and I'm super happy about it I also feel really down and out and well not me. I'm losing a piece of who I am while I'm growing someone else. I am struging with the fact that after just starting to call myself a runner I now feel like a fraud and like I'm well not anymore. I busted my ass to get to where I was mentally and physically and it's really hard to sit back and have it change so quickly again in the opposite direction. I WANT to go out and run 6 miles yet I just can NOT do it right now. And accepting that is hard. Super hard. So I've been absent and I've been surface living, afraid to dig deep and see what I may find.
Anyway, I digress. I need to come back and I need to write in order to go for something I never thought I would have a chance at. In fact, the chance is nearly impossible and highly unlikely but I'm going for it anyway. Why? Because, a chance is a chance and always needs to be taken in order to actually maybe achieve it.
So here I am. I'm back and probably not making much sense. My thoughts are all jumbled as I sort through my feelings. So I leave you with this.
As I fought all day with myself about what I was going to write tonight. What would be good? What would my readers (who are yet to appear) want? I used all sorts of avoiding tactics, laundry, kids, yoga and even concocting energy bites in order to try to get some sort of food in me. (Sugar Plum hates when I eat lately and I pay for it so I've been living on smoothies and breakfast alone). I decided that those energy bites were actually very tasty and fun to make with the kids. So why not start there. I hope you enjoy them, or try them. They were so easy and a huge hit with my two year old who fought Crazy Daddy off for the last one.
Five ingredients is all you need:
2/3 cups of nut butter (we used sun butter)
2 tablespoons of honey
1 1/2 plus 2 tablespoons of old fashioned oats
1/4 cup of milled flax seed
1/4 cup of mini chocolate chips
(I also threw in a dash of salt and a dash of cinnamon)
Melt nut butter and honey in microwave in 10 second increments until melted. Stirring between each 10 second time. Mix oats, flax seed and chocolate chips in a bowl. (Add salt and cinnamon if you want) Pour in melted nut butter and mix together. Roll into balls. Store in an air tight container. Easy simple and oh so yummy!!!!
You can fool around with more or less oats or adding coconut or whatever. It's fun!