Throw back post?

It's Throwback Thursday, all over social media you will see the pics of the past, reminiscing of  days gone by and smiles of the memories.  I do not usually partake in this little social phenomenon, for a reason I am not entirely clear on but tonight, tonight I took a walk down memory lane.  I signed on to the blog with every intention of trying to fix it up, make it more appealing, more reader friendly.  I am EAGER to attract and hold new reader attention.  I can NOT complete a dream I am chasing without it.  Sadly, I have two TWO followers and well that's not really going to cut it.  So, I sat here and I started to go through old blog posts.  Post after post I read, remembering, reminiscing and sometimes smiling at the writer, the runner or the person that wrote that blog.  We all change with the seasons and it was fun to see how I grew and changed and morphed.  I even went into my old personal blog.  The non running one, the one that existed before I let myself be called a runner.  I read the dark posts, the struggling posts and the most raw posts I have ever written. WOW! What a journey I have been on.

As I sat here tonight and let the words wash over me, I realized it just wasn't in me tonight to redo the blog, to make it better, because well I am just not sure yet HOW to do that.  I am NOT computer savvy.  I do not know my way around HTML codes and visual art stuff, but I allowed myself to get lost in my triumph. The triumph I found when I read the letter that I had written to myself, to my body.  Sarah, over at Run Far Girl, inspired me to write it over a year ago.  In honor of TBT I decided to share it again.  Writing that letter set me free in a way, it got me to stand up and applaud MYSELF to see myself through clear eyes. Not the eyes of the constant fat girl in my head I battle or the eyes of society.  But to see me for ME and to LOVE me.

Dear Body,

For the most part of my 30 years, I have hated you.  At certain points in my life I have loathed you more than others.  I always remember wanting to change you.  To make you shorter, to make you skinnier, to make you curly haired and tan.  I loathed you from the shape of your feet and the size of them all the way to the plain Jane straight as a pin thin hair on the top of your head.  At times I didn't feed you and I hid you.  And then I started to feed you but only the most poisonous of foods.  I forced food into you until you grew and exploded and then I loathed you even more.  I changed your hair color, only wore flats, spent time in tanning beds and on crash diets. 

Then when you refused to work properly and give me what I wanted most in the world I wanted a whole new body, one that wasn't fat and broken and mousy looking.  I raged wore with you on the inside everyday while I held a smile to your face for the world to see.  Then, then just when I thought you were the most useless piece of crap a miracle happened.  You grew my baby girl.  You grew the most precious thing in the world for me two times now.  And while you are yet still broken and #3 hasn't happened yet.  I began to see your purpose.  I began to see that those toes that I hate looked so darn cute on a baby, the weight you were holding on too began to fall off and you were accomplishing all these things that I never thought you would be able to do, your hair is still plain and mousy but now the little girl you made likes to watch you curl it or brush it and it just makes your face smile so bright. 

Dear body I have put you through so much yet you still seem to surprise me with a love and loyalty that I do not deserve to have.  You have withstood the test of time.  You have entered a new decade with me, smaller than you have ever been and healthy as ever.  You can run, jump, squat, plank, lunge, climb and just be.  After all of these years I now have the confidence to wear you proudly.  Rock on body, rock on.  You may not be what I always wanted but you have been what I have always needed.  I am sorry it took me 30 years to realize this.  From here on out you and I are going to be just fine, if only you can give me curly locks....KIDDING!