Thursday, January 10, 2019

Measuring Up

Holy hell am I tired of all the measuring. I am tired of measuring my weight which has been stuck at the same friggen thing for a YEAR! No matter what I do I can't lose the last 10ish pounds of my pesky baby weight.  I am tired of measuring my pace and my distance.  Why? Because in my mind it SUCKS. I can not get back to my normal pace and stride and distance and I think this is the reason why I am slowly falling out of love with running.  Each time I go out I am punched in the face with what I USED to be able to do and how I am so so so far from even coming close to achieving it again. I am tired of measuring up against the old me as a mom.  The one who you know, showered, dressed and did things out in public with the kids.  The one that had craft times and learning activities daily. The one that used to wear real clothes and sometimes even went and had her hair done.  The one who remembered things and documented EVERYTHING.  The one who felt like she won more days than she failed.

What is the opposite of measuring?  I am not sure but I am pretty sure that it has something to do with breathing in the moment. Finding the joy in where things are exactly right now. Me being stuck at the same weight means that I am pretty consistent right? It is hard to weigh exactly the same thing for year, so I suppose I am rocking that consistency. Me not being where I was in pace or distance means that I can adapt. I keep going back out even though it isn't the same as it used to be. It takes me longer to go shorter and I am looking around and enjoying the path that I didn't really take the time to before. Me not really wearing real clothes? Yeah I don't know what that is teaching me... I suppose it means I have less laundry and save on water.  I am an supporting energy savings by not running the shower daily, or doing my hair. Not having scheduled craft times and learning activities means we are one hell of a spontaneous circus and it also means my sanity isn't all gone, just most of it. 

So maybe by trying not to measure my life I am in fact bettering it.  I am at a different place in my journey and I need to figure out how to live this part and rock the hell out of. All 150ish pounds of me! After all someone has to lower the bar of the constant perfectness of social media, why not me?

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Hi! *wave*

I sat here for a LONG LONG LOOOONNNNG time wondering if I was going to actually do this again.  I have found myself longing to write again and blog again. In fact, I even reactivated my running/blogging facebook page right before the new year with an announcement that something new was coming in hopes that it would kick me back into this little gig that I love.  But it didn't. I think because after all these years of me working on ME and learning to love ME and not caring what others thought of ME that I fell back on the bandwagon of self doubt. When I write I get real, honest and usually ramble-y too and I slipped back into thinking what if no one reads my blog? What if it is the worst blog out there? What if I am made fun of or laughed at? But the calling to write again is LOUD, SUPER LOUD and I need to do this for myself. If no one reads it then so what, at least my stories would be unheard if I ever tell them at a party or something. If people laugh, then so what, at least I exercised there smile muscles for the day. If I am voted the worst of the worsts, then so what, there is always ways to move up.

So here it goes, I am back! I am more me than I have ever been before. I am excited and anxious and all sorts of things as I sit here in my sweats and messy bun during nap time where I could be doing a number of things (working on losing baby #4 weight, yes still two years after having him, or laundry, dishes, vacuuming, to name a few).

Welcome aboard my crazy train.  Things around here are never dull and it is never easy to squeeze in anything for myself.  I have learned though that I need to start doing things *gasp* are you ready for this?... I need to do things for ME! Yes, that's right for myself.  As a mom, me as a person is always shoved to the back.  My needs are last, if I have to eat I do after everyone else is served and fed, if I need a shower I am the one with the cold water, if I need to potty I cross my legs and put everyone else through the line first.  But after having my fourth baby and venturing into a very very dark few years I know deep down in my toes that finding time to do things for ME, things that bring me little sparks of joy are CRUCIAL to running my little circus.

So I have decided to take it up a notch and bring back my little weird love of blogging AND somehow rediscover what it is to run for joy again.  What better place than here to chronicle all my running stories and successes, along with some of my every day mom life stories added in. You know to keep things so real that people just shake there heads and are happy that someone else is having the shittiest day too.  And to maybe just MAYBE motivate some other runners out there for whatever they are training for.

I wasn't always a runner, in fact when I first took up running I couldn't even do a 1/4 mile without quitting and just giving up.  But things change (see here for the beginning of that change!) and I have changed.   I miss the confidence and freedom being a runner had brought me.  I used to call myself a runner, which for the longest time I had a HARD time doing.  I always used to say I run but...not fast, not far, not long, not good.... Then thanks to one cold winter day where, while running it all clicked, I can called myself a runner. Now, sure I am a runner but I need to get back to that cold winter day and to run not because I am training for something but because the road is just calling.

So, my name is C. And I would like to call myself C Runner again.  I run. I am a mom. I am a wife. I am a daughter, sister, friend and more.  But most importantly I am me. This is a journey of discovery, because what you discover about yourself while the miles are pounded down under your feet is pretty freakin amazing.  I hope you follow along, and say hi occasionally!

Live, Laugh, RUN

Monday, February 8, 2016

Running on the Mind of Lori H.

We all have a story, a beginning, a tipping point. A reason. That reason is everything.  It is weaved into your journey into your life story and becomes motivation, encouragement and fuel.  Just like how certain smells can trigger a vivid memory at any moment, your reason can appear and slap you in the face.  Some of us run to escape, as therapy, as weight loss and health benefits.  Some of us however, start with one reason and it turns into another.  

This week I am so happy to feature a piece written by one of my all time favorite running buddies. Our paths have crossed in and out over the years.  First when her oldest was a third grader and later after I joined a local woman's running club and she realized that the "Crazy Mama Runner" she had been following on Facebook was me and I was shocked to learn that the years had passed so fast and her tiny little 8 year old third grader is now a 16 year old high schooler who drives!!!! Over the last year Lori has helped me train for my marathon, running in the dead of a terrible winter 13 miles with me for the fun of it.  Making a special 3.3 mile birthday run this year complete with a surprise cupcake waiting for me at the end. And being there as I came back from having Sugar Plum and there as I head into running pregnant yet again.  It is a great honor to have Lori share over here her journey of becoming a runner! 

On the Mind of Lori: 


     I took one look at THAT photo, you know, the photo where you wonder who in the world looks so much like you but CAN’T POSSIBLY be YOU!  This photo bomber who looked so much like me had this marshmellowy belly pushing against the Kelly green t-shirt.  I was like what the hell is that!  Realizing this was me in all my glory, hanging onto those last pregnancy pounds four years later!  The photo was taken as we prepared to depart my husband’s family after a weekend visit to Cape Cod.  No visit is complete without the picture in front of the lovely hydrangea bush in the front yard.  That photo is THE PHOTO I zoomed in on, fretted about, silently screamed at myself for, left me speechless for the three hour ride home.  How in the world was I going to get rid of this?????

Lori and THAT PHOTO and an After shot!

 Think, think, think…… husband’s cousin had lost a lot of weight running telephone poles, a girl I worked with looked amazing since she had begun running six months before.  Surely if they could do it, I sure could!   There was only one teeny tiny problem…….I DON’T RUN!!  I can’t even run across the street!  So as the mini van arrived at our house, I had decided.  I WILL RUN!  We unpacked the van and once inside I geared up, sneakers, shorts, pony tail, check, check, check.  I made it to the local church and back running one or two poles, then walking one or two poles.  When I came home I was so happy!

     The next day at work a friend of mine told me about an app she had once used, called couch to 5K.  I couldn’t wait to get home and try it!  And so it went, I diligently plugged away, week one, two, three……week five, 10 minute run!  What!  You have GOT to be kidding me!  Run a whole 10 minutes!  At the risk of being discouraged, I contacted a friend who lived around the corner and her neighbor who had told me when I was ready they would run with me.  Abandoning my app, I set out with them.  They went nice and slow for me and I ended up doing a 2 ½ mile run!!

     About a week after that there was a 5K that I had signed up for as a walker.  Well, this walker ran the whole 5K without stopping in just over 42 minutes!  I was hooked!  Addicted to the definition I was beginning to notice in my legs as I ran!  Addicted to the clothes fitting better despite no change on the scale, I knoooooowwww!  Stupid scale!  But that didn’t slow me down.  I was addicted to the talking with my neighbors, that soon became my friends.  We chatted it up on every run.  I eventually met so many people through this hobby of mine, including one Crazy Mama Runner!!   I was also addicted to that feeling like I had the magic solution to feeling good about yourself! 

Lori and the Crazy Mama Runner ;) 

     One day, the following summer, I ran a local 5k and left shortly after it.  The next day at work, I was told congratulations on placing 2nd in my age division!  WHAT, ME, NO!  Oh yeah, they told me that I had earned a medal and a beer glass and my name got called!  As happy as I was, I was so sad that I had missed out on it!  Note to self:  always look at the column on the finishers time sheets as to which place you come in for your age group.  Another lesson along the way!  But after I posted my medal and mug photo on Facebook the next day, I received 2 messages from two acquaintances telling me how much I inspired them and asked me how I started and how they could!  There is no better compliment than that of inspiring someone else!  Yup, A-D-D-I-C-T-E-D!!!

    My 5k races turned into 10K, then into Five ½ Marathons!  I mean I never even wanted to want to run a MARATHON! No way, now how!  Never said never, but was pretty sure that I would never even desire to do one…….until I signed up for the Eastern States 20 Miler coming up this March.  If I’m training to run a 20 miler, I may as well go for it!  If I could find one that fit close enough to my 20 miler to use it as a training run, why not!  So my neighbor friend and I have signed up for the Sugarloaf Marathon in May!

Lori and her neighbor after their 16 mile training run! 

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Extra Bling and a GiVeAwAy!

I am a runner.  Plain and simple.  Most days it is not hard to tell that I run.  I am mostly spotted at weird hours of the day in all weather types hitting the pavement and pushing my limits. Or I am in the
school pick up line sporting my Seacoast Race Series running jacket and my Asics. Never a day goes by where I am not wearing running attire for all if not most of the day.  But what about those days where I have to wear regular clothes. You know get "dressed up", which I always know I look NOTHING like a runner when my daughter says "Oh mom you look so cute today, you got dressed up!" How will people know I am a runner then?  Will they see me get out of my mini van with my running magnets?  Will they see me chugging gallons of water and put two and two together?  Probably not! Which is why when I was contacted by Marie Scholl from Inspired Endurance Jewelry I was EXCITED to do a review!!!! (I was given product in return for my actual honest opinion.)

The mail arrived and I was in love before I even had the bracelets out of the packaging! They arrived
in such sweet and cute packaging that I instantly felt loved.  Like someone actually cared about me! I have been wearing my Sterling Silver Mini Charm Bangle Bracelet daily.  It is such a lovely and well made bracelet that I love slipping it on my wrist and going.  Most importantly for me I have a special remembrance of me as a runner (and a kick ass 26.2 mile one at that!) even when I am dressed up for date night.  It is like I am carrying my own little car magnet of my awesomeness where ever I go!!! I truly truly LOVE it.  It goes with my jeans and boots or with my dresses and heels.  I can wear it to PTO meetings or grocery shopping or a very rare mostly day dreaming on the couch about date nights on the town.  I love that the quality stands up to being a mom and having three littles pulling, tugging and needing on me all day.  The baby likes to point to the charm and make it move and I like when she does it because it is like she is saying look how adorable yet bad ass my mom is! Inspired Endurance Jewelry is a must have for anyone who wants a little something special to commemorate that being a runner feeling.  So if I were you I would totally head on over and make a special purchase today, for yourself or that special runner in your life!!! Or you know you could take a chance and feel pretty lucky and enter for a chance to win one......

YEP that is right!!! Kicking off the New Year with the best giveaway this blog has ever seen!!! To enter all you have to do is comment below with what your all time favorite running memory is! (One entry per person and giveway will close on January 31, 2016)

Happy Running and good luck!

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

On The Running Mind of Jen M

I am so very very excited this week to feature another round of my favorite ever segment! This week it is a blurb from the running mind of Jen, one of the absolutley amazing women from my local woman's running club.  She is beyond inspiring, funny as all get out and always up for a running adventure.  I remember fondly one night on a 5 mile group run, a PR for distance for her then, the ride back to our cars was full of hilarious Jenisms and I knew right then and there this lady needed to write for me.  I am currently encouraging her to write more, because the world really does need more of what she offers.  Honesty, humor and the unshakeable passion to believe in herself! 

The Running Mind of Jen:

Many times in my life I was asked to run.  Many times I said no.  One time I said yes.  And my journey began.
The beginning.  My  ability was a level 0.  Just like in the movie Kung Foo Panda.
My very first run on my own was on a treadmill at my husbands Wellness Center for employees and their spouses.  I collapsed on the floor after using the treadmill.  Running in 1 min intervals with a 2 minute walk was more than I could handle.  I was dying.  I was discouraged.  I hated myself.  I hated running.  I hated it all. 
I floundered around with my own attempts at that thing called running for about 9 months.  What a
hot mess!  I was embarrassed by everything I did.  It was truly a nightmare.  I was chasing after my running friends.   I tried and I tried.  My heart was silently breaking. 
One day a friend  added me to a Lebanon lady running group on Facebook.  I accepted.  Why? I can't run like them.  I am not a runner.  I do not deserve to be in the same category as them.  But I accepted.  I posted many times looking for new runners.  Looking for slow runners.  I was embarrassed to ask.  I was ashamed to classify myself as a runner.  At last: the day that saved me.  A newbie group was starting.  I dragged a buddy to the meeting.  And off we went for an 8 wk program. 
This was different though.  I learned that I ran on my tippie toes.  I learned that I was not going to die.  I learned that my legs were not going to fall off.  I learned what true blisters were and how to avoid them.  I learned what running clothes were.  I learned that my anxiety was my biggest barrier. I got fitted for new shoes at Fleet Feet during my 8 weeks.  I got actual running socks.  I learned that running was a liberating, empowering and uplifting sport.  I learned the true meaning of friendship.  I met so many new friends along my way.  
Newbie Graduation Day
I graduated from the Newbie group.  What a great day.  I was more proud that day than any other graduation day.  My 6th grade graduation.  I got a migraine and missed it.  Anxiety.  High school graduation.  My mom was admitted to the hospital two hours prior.  My college graduation.  My husband and my father cheered me on, my mother and memere too.  But there was family conflict that took away from my moment.  It was another disappointing day.  Special events were challenges in my life.  Birthdays, holidays, confirmation, weddings, baby showers, bridal showers.  All came with conflict. Every event.  Every year.  It was my normal.  My Newbie graduation was none of that.  It was filled with joy and pride.  I ran for 30 minutes.  Me!  I did that! It became my new normal.

Today with the support of my husband, my children and many true friends.  I am proud and honored to say I run with the ladies in my running group.  I can run 30 minutes.  I can run a 5k.  I can run a
7 Miles Accomplished! 
10k.  I can even run 7.33 miles.  I can run for one hour 38 minutes consecutively.  I am a runner.  I am not sure when it happened.  But here I am!  My Newbie Coach never left my side.  A few started with me.  Not everyone finished with me.  They continued on their journey.  My Coach was a huge part of my journey. I tell her often.   I am a runner because of her passion, knowledge and her commitment.  I can only hope to bring those same gifts to another. 
I have learned that I love to talk to people when I run.  I run for the joy of it.  Not for the pace or the finish line time.  Having a PR is great.  But its not what drives me.  I love the people I meet along the way.  I love the people I run with.  The people I cross paths with.  I love the volunteers at the water stations, the finish lines, the starting lines.  I love that I can proudly say I ran with them!
I once chased after others.  Because if I caught up to them.  I was a real runner.  One day I stopped chasing them.  I realized they never noticed.  I realized I had my own pace.  My pace made me happy.  All I had to do was embrace it.  I realized I was a runner. 
I have learned that I am an expert at peeing in the woods. I have learned I can pee so fast my auto pause on my runkeeper doesn't come on.  I am always on the lookout for a portable potty.  Its amazing when one appears along my route. 
I have learned that I think of random things when I run.  I people watch.  I house watch.  I house watch.  Why you ask.  I wonder what their bathrooms look like.  I wonder if they have coffee.  I wonder if they have a chair to sit in.  I wonder if they will give me a ride.  I have learned that I can jump over snakes in the road.  I learned that I am the person my friends rely on to talk them through a run.  I tell random stories.  I tell them I am dying.  I tell them my legs are going to fall off. 
One time I ate a bug in my quest to run 4 miles.  It occurred at mile 1.  I now carry water.
One time I peed in prickly bushes on a 4 mile run.  I now watch out for those bushes.  They hurt.
One time I got my headphone wires stuck in my underwear during a 3 mile run while using my outdoor potty.  I now use a flipbelt. 
One time my music and my runkeeper stats shut off during a 5 mile run at mile 1.  I now know I can get through the run without any devices.  Warning to those who run with me.  I will talk your ear off when I finish.  5 miles of just me and my thoughts. Oh my! Ihave lots to catch up on! 
One time I was sad to see my friends run without me.  I am no longer sad.  We are all on a different journey. 
One time I ran with my beagle named Henry Ford.  I realized he is more social than I am.  I now bring him for walks and no runs.
One time I asked one of my beautiful cousins to run with me at the Santa Hustle 5K.  She said yes.  We ran.  We talked.  We ate candy.  We listened to Christmas carols.  We wore beards and Santa hats!  It was the best day.  She ran my pace.  I knew she could run faster.  But we were both so happy to run together.  It was one of my biggest honors.  To run with my cousin.  Soon I will run with my Aunt Christine.   I think she knows....
 I am not who I was in the beginning of my journey.  I started as someone trying to be like the others.  I know
now I can not control how others act.  But I can control how I react.  This includes how I travel on my journey.  Followed or unfollowed in life.    Its all good.  We each have our own road to travel.  Today I am proud to say I am a Lebanon Lady Runner with many great friends.  I am proud to say my family has been my biggest supporters.  They have heard and seen me at my worst.  I am humbled to say that 
people ask me to run with them.  I am honored to say yes.  I am honored when I ask others to run with me and they say yes too!   I am happy to run alone.  I am proud to have my health. 

One day I was asked to be a guest blogger.  I thought.  I love to write.  I love to share my story.  Am I worthy enough to share with others? I needed a reminder.  But here I am.  A runner to the core.  Oh core hurts. 

Monday, January 11, 2016

On the Running Mind of Karri

Here is the deal, the super exciting and amazing deal.  One night while I was in the shower after a group run I got to thinking.  I love running in groups, I love hearing the chatter of whatever pops into our minds.  I love sharing whatever the road brings out in us, whether we share it in person while we are out there OR we share it on our group page after a solo run.  I really just love hearing about it all. So I thought, and I thought and a new plan developed.  A blogging plan to open up the blog for guest segments of what is running on YOUR mind.  I first opened up this idea to my local women's running group and am very excited to say that Karri responded all in and wrote me a lovely, fabulous piece!!!!! So here it is!!!

Running Mind of Karri: 

What Running Has Done for Me

I used to make fun of runners. I was one of those people who said “If you see me
running, something is chasing me.” And, I meant it. I never ran, ever. I did the mile and
ran for volleyball in high school, but not since then. My husband, who was in the Army
until this year, tried to get me to run for years. I walked, nothing more. I had no desire to

The year I turned 40, I celebrated the year by doing a long list of random things I had
never done or tried. I was checking a lot off that list and loving everything about my life
in that year. Running was not on the list. In fact, there was no health-oriented goal
made. I was pretty healthy. I ate right most of my adult life. I kicked the smoking habit in
my early thirties and never had weight issues to worry about, thanks to genetics mostly.
I loved other forms of exercise, primarily yoga and walking. I could walk forever and my
husband joined me for walks most nights after dinner. But, running was never on my

That changed mid-way through the year. We lived at Fort Knox, Kentucky. My husband
was away for random weeks and the walks with him after dinner were sparse. Friends
who agreed to walks often got bogged down with young kids or simply didn’t want to go
after dinner. So, I found a treadmill on a yard sale site. I got it as my Mother’s Day gift. I
used it in the mornings and would walk while watching the news. My living room had a
huge picture window that faced the paved trail that ran past my house. Fort Knox, as an
Army post, had beautiful paved trails that led to tracks for training and families. The
trails ran through our neighborhoods, meadows filled with wildflowers and deer (lots of
deer), patches of woods ripe with sweet-smelling honey suckle, and streams with
wooden bridges over top. I loved those trails. The one outside of my window went
straight to the playground at Starbucks. As I walked on my treadmill, I could see Army
spouses and soldiers with rucksacks running past. As I walked on the treadmill, I
thought more and more ‘maybe I could try that?’ I also thought, if I don’t try now, I’ll
never be able to do it. One day, I decided to pick up the pace on the treadmill and run
for two minutes straight. This was a huge deal for me as I physically never tried it
before. I did it. I walked another six or eight minutes, then did it again.

The next few days and weeks, I upped those running minutes. I started running up to six
minutes at a time. I would text my husband every time I ran, declaring with exclamation
points and all, “I ran for 6 minutes!!!” Then, one day without planning it, I ran for 20
minutes. Before I knew it, I ran for 30 minutes. This was when I decided to go outside
on the trail. I wanted to be one of ‘those people’. I knew from walking that taking the trail
out of housing, past the meadow, and through the woods to the track where the soldiers
did PT was just over one mile. If you took the trail, went around the track, then back to
my front porch, it was 2.7 miles. I decided I would run to the track, walk that track, then
walk home. I tied my new shoes, tied up my hair, turned on my iPod. I took off down the
trail and had to stop before I even made it halfway to the track. Not even a half mile. I
didn’t understand. How could I run for 30 minutes on the treadmill and barely make it a
half mile on a paved, rolling trail I loved? I nearly cried as I walked the rest. I texted my
husband declaring my failure. He said it was probably my pace. He said “try again
tomorrow.” I did. I forced myself to slow down a little, watch my stride, take it slow. I made it to the track. Then I turned around and ran back, making it two miles. The next time, I decided to go around the track. I told myself after I ran to the track and around it, I could just walk the rest of the way home. I didn’t feel like I needed to walk after the
track. I ran the whole thing and made it 2.7 miles back to my front porch. I sweated. I huffed and could barely talk. My face was beet red. My legs hurt. My heart pounded and temples pulsed. I felt like I could lay down and die. And I was never so happy and excited to tell the world I, the anti-runner, ran 2.7 miles.

That route or the two mile run to Starbucks and back became my morning routine. My
meditation. My time to plan my day, think about plot holes or character flaws in my novel
I was editing, my time to stare ahead at the sunrise in front of me and feel alone, alive,
and ready to take on the world. That trail, those runs alone in the dead quite of the
meadow, stream, and patchy woods, became my happy place, literally. I picked up my
pace, I shaved off time, I got better shoes, I learned more about hydration, and I started
to feel like one of those people, those real runners. One day, soldiers were running PT
tests on the track and I ran my heart out trying to keep up and even passed one of them
as I rounded a curve. I felt strong, powerful, and unstoppable. I was in love with running
and kicked myself for not trying when I was younger.

Since I started in Kentucky alone and now that I run with friends in Maine, an amazing
runners group, I’ve learned a great deal about running and myself. I’ve learned, despite
what my mother always said and what some others thought, I really could be an athlete
of some sort. I learned I get the same mental effects from running as I did from
meditation and yoga, exact same. I learned mental tricks to keep going even when my
body didn’t want to. I learned I can set any goal and achieve it if I want. I learned to
listen to and watch others as they ran so I could adapt and improve. I learned runners
can be any size, age, and ability and truly be runners who can teach me something. I
learned having a support system, having people in front of me and behind me (as I am
typically in the middle of the pack) is just right for me. I learned how great it is to run all
alone and also how incredible it feels to see a friend loop back to join me or check on
me. I learned running can be about bonding, encouragement, or solitary reflections. It
can be challenging, painful, blissful, defiant, addictive, calming, a social event, and it can give me a feeling of immense power. Even though I generally feel pretty successful, healthy, happy, and confident in most areas of life, running added to it in more ways than I anticipated. Running made me feel badass, simply put. I’m not the fastest. I can’t run the farthest. I might never break a 10 minute mile, ever. But when I am running,
alone or with a pack, I feel that sense of ‘badassery’.

 I feel like one of those people I saw on the trails. I get it and I hope to pass it on or
spark it in someone else. Once, when my husband and I were driving my son home
from practice at the high school, we were jokingly arguing about something trivial. My
husband said, “I should just drop you off right here.” We were about seven miles from
home. Without missing a beat, my son said, “You do realize she can just run home from
here, don’t you?” That was the first time I realized others thought I was a real runner,
too. It is who I am now. It is part of how I see myself. It’s on my ‘list’ of things that make
me, well, me. It’s more than an accomplishment or something to check off a list. It is just
part of who I am now, who I want to be. Even though I never saw it coming, I’m so glad
it did and only regret not being one of ‘those people’ sooner in life.

Do YOU have a Running Mind?  Want to write down a thought YOU had while running, or why YOU started running or what YOU have learned from running.  I would love to read it and feature it so just let me know! 

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Out with the old and in with the new?

Out with the old in with the new, a fresh start, a new book, the new year is going to be the best one yet, and so the list of New Year's traditional sayings goes on. Then there are the lists of resolutions to be more fit, lose weight, tone up, get abs, run faster and so on and so forth until you end up making a better you or being burnt out by February.

image from

Except for me for this year. 2015 was my year to FLY and boy did I give it my all.  I tried and I failed and I tried some more with some success.  I love who I am, who I am becoming, who I am starting to to be without over thinking how I am being viewed.  The girl who used to worry about what everyone else and their mothers thought really no longer cares as long as I stick to the core of my values of being kind, helpful and at times funny ( I find myself hilarious and during certain rare occasions other people do as well).  The girl who always goes home and replays what she did, what she said and how other people reacted only does that when I am feeling worn down and exhausted.  It is a trait that is hard to fight but I am doing it and I am learning to just let it go, I really really am.  Which is why with confidence and joy I can announce to myself and have the courage to put in black and white as well my New Year's goal for the year.  While 2015's goal is not smashed by any means I am going to continue to learn to love myself but what I really want is to be present, enjoy the moment and soak it all in.  So for 2016, my goal for myself is to become to comfortable loving myself that I can sit back and just BE.  BE happy, BE sad, BE with my kids, BE alone, BE a runner, BE a wife, BE a mom, BE a friend.  BE anything in the moment that I am in. 

A lot, of my races this past year were run IN the mile I was in.  That is how I got through them.  Just run mile 9 you are in mile 9.  Just run mile 10 you are in mile 10.  And I have decided that that is how I want to live this year.  Just color with kids you are coloring right now.  Just fold this laundry you are folding right now.  Just soak in this laughter that is happening around you right now.  I want to be open and present in all that I do and I want to soak in all of the feelings I feel.  There really are no bad feelings just some uncomfortable ones ;)

So Happy New Year to you all! I am looking forward to being in the writing presence more and looking forward to connecting and communicating with a lot more bloggers in the upcoming year. What is your favorite blog to follow?