Measuring Up

Holy hell am I tired of all the measuring. I am tired of measuring my weight which has been stuck at the same friggen thing for a YEAR! No matter what I do I can't lose the last 10ish pounds of my pesky baby weight.  I am tired of measuring my pace and my distance.  Why? Because in my mind it SUCKS. I can not get back to my normal pace and stride and distance and I think this is the reason why I am slowly falling out of love with running.  Each time I go out I am punched in the face with what I USED to be able to do and how I am so so so far from even coming close to achieving it again. I am tired of measuring up against the old me as a mom.  The one who you know, showered, dressed and did things out in public with the kids.  The one that had craft times and learning activities daily. The one that used to wear real clothes and sometimes even went and had her hair done.  The one who remembered things and documented EVERYTHING.  The one who felt like she won more days than she failed.

What is the opposite of measuring?  I am not sure but I am pretty sure that it has something to do with breathing in the moment. Finding the joy in where things are exactly right now. Me being stuck at the same weight means that I am pretty consistent right? It is hard to weigh exactly the same thing for year, so I suppose I am rocking that consistency. Me not being where I was in pace or distance means that I can adapt. I keep going back out even though it isn't the same as it used to be. It takes me longer to go shorter and I am looking around and enjoying the path that I didn't really take the time to before. Me not really wearing real clothes? Yeah I don't know what that is teaching me... I suppose it means I have less laundry and save on water.  I am an supporting energy savings by not running the shower daily, or doing my hair. Not having scheduled craft times and learning activities means we are one hell of a spontaneous circus and it also means my sanity isn't all gone, just most of it. 

So maybe by trying not to measure my life I am in fact bettering it.  I am at a different place in my journey and I need to figure out how to live this part and rock the hell out of. All 150ish pounds of me! After all someone has to lower the bar of the constant perfectness of social media, why not me?