It's been awhile, in fact it feels like it has been forever. I have been missing from here, but I have also been missing from me.
You see, I am about to come clean about a major personal part of my life. I am about to make public a very ugly time and struggle.
I have been in a battle with Post Partum Depression.
It didn't hit right off but it hit hard once it did. I had Sugar Plum and I was in love. In love with her, in love with her older siblings and how they welcomed her whole heartidly and without any struggle, in love again with the love of my life. Then little by little happiness disappeared. I found myself just wishing for my bed. My body was aching, I had no desire to run to do anything or even to get dressed. My husband would come home and he would find me without showering, still in the clothes from yesterday and anxious to hand off the kids that I loved yet had no patience for, no desire to get down on their level and play and laugh and live carefree.
And in typical C fashion I handled it the way I always handle things. I hide, I withdraw and I become totally introverted. I stopped interacting with everyone, including my husband. I was sullen and sad and totally feeling so lost and fighting to get energy and find me. I couldn't run, I couldn't eat, I couldn't workout. I would find myself putting on exhausting acts of pretending to be me, then falling even deeper into dispair at night when the reality hit that I just wasn't happy.
I have had no desire to write, But I am finding that as this battle raged I am coming out ok. I sought help and even accepted medication that unfortunately, made me beyond sick. Now thanks to a great friend you may have heard of This Momma Runs, I am a part of this gratitude journaling group that is really helping me. I am asking or trying to ask for help when things get overwhelming and I am running again. Just short little runs but I am out there and it feels amazing.
I feel like I have been found and I have a new journey to discovery. I have been down and out and at the bottom and I am about to rise again. Joy is returning and the little every day joys are again becoming front and center.
I have decided that I want to put more effort into my blog and write down more feelings. They may not always be sunsine and roses and happy running but a goal I have is building my blog because I do enjoy connecting and reaching out to others.
Next up over here at Crazy Mama Runner? Some product reviews that I have been holding on to. I have been very lucky to get to try some amazing products and have some fun!
Have you ever been lost? How did you find yourself? Anyone, have any review writing advice?
I was wondering you had been on fb. sorry to hear you are going through all this. Just know there is always someone out there that is going through the same thing, you aren't alone. If you ever need to talk, just msg me on FB :) Take care!
ReplyDelete---Lindsey Lynch
Thank you so much for being around and reaching out, I appreciate it :)
DeleteEverything doesn't need to be sunshine and roses! Post Partum Depression is very real and I watched one of my best friends struggle to get through it. Do whatever you need to do to get through it and know you have a strong support system of women and fellow Mama's who are right there with you! I think we have all been lost before...it looks different for everyone...the important thing to remember is "Every Storm Runs Out Of Rain" at some point. - Shannon
ReplyDeleteThank you Shannon, it's hard admiting the bad but I feel like I would be a fake if it were always so happy around these parts :)
DeleteI also suffered greatly from post partum depression after both of my children. I unfortunately did not seek help and it took me years to crawl out of the hole on my own. I am glad to hear that you found some light and are starting to feel more like your self again. We have missed you!
ReplyDeleteThank you Brittany! I am sorry that you too had to go through this just plain ole yuck fest, It's like you the real you is buried under so far down and you don't know how to get back but you know something is wrong but not sure the words to use to describe it..
DeleteOh hon, I"m so sorry to hear this. I am so glad you sought out help and that you are on the up and up. You have SO many people pulling for you, I wish I could give you a big giant hug!! As for product review, just remember to be honest. I've done a lot and most have been positive, but I've had a few not so positive, so just be honest and state the facts. Looking forward to seeing what is coming!
ReplyDeleteThanks Sue, I appreciate knowing that I always have your suppot! I look up to you and your blog and pages so very much, you are an inspiration and one day I do hope to get that hug from you! We will meet some how :)
DeleteSo glad you are finding relief and joy again. It takes courage to ask for help. You are an amazing person and I know someone will read what you have written and see themselves, recognizing that they might have PPD and seek assistance, too. There's lots of Mama supporters here who are here for you! Count me as one :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Teri for being a support and I truly hope that I can help just one person. I am always looking to just be that someone for just ONE that helps in anyway I can.
DeleteI just stumbled upon this post, and will say again you sound like my twin. I hope you know I am here for you, and will do anything I can to help. <3 love you lady.
ReplyDelete