Discovering how much You are worth to YOU!

I just LOVE learning about running through the eyes of others, and what running or living means to them.  That is why I am super excited to announce some upcoming guests on the blog!!! I will be featuring their running stories, why they run, what keeps them going.  All in hopes that we can continue to inspire others to believe in themselves, set goals, and achieve them!!! So today I would like to introduce Jenifer.  Jenifer is a mom to three, and a fellow runner.  She can be found over on Facebook at Self Worth, Brought to you by the letters R U N.   So read her story, and then drop by and give a nice big hello!  She was brave enough to be my first feature :0).

So here is Jenifer and her story!

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  Ok..... I guess we should start at the beginning. Like the very beginning. I was the chubby kid. Valedictorian of my class, the brain, but definitely not the athlete. I didn't play any sports. As a matter of fact I was that girl doing everything she could think of to get out of gym class. I battled my weight my whole life. My first time at Weight Watchers was as a 160 pound 12 year old. I dieted constantly, and kind of yo yo'd through adolescence and young adulthood wearing anywhere from a size 12 to a size 16.
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  I got married, and had three kids. Each subsequent child put on a little more weight that I didn't get off. And my marriage... well.... that's another whole story that you and a therapist's couch ain't got enough hours in the day for. Let's just say emotionally, it was a train wreck. He cheated on my for 4 of the 8 years we were married. And I had pretty much lost all sense of who I was, what I wanted in life, or even if I was worth thinking I deserved it. Every few months I would sit down and try to figure out if I could financially make it on my own. But I was scared. Too scared to leave, too scared to be alone. And convinced there was no way I could make it without him.

  Then a very good friend came into my life. He said some very important things to me. He said "Jenifer, if your daughters were in your marriage right now, would you be ok with how they were being treated?" My answer was of course and emphatic NO. And he said, "then why is it ok for you? How much are YOU worth to YOU?"

  And I said, "But I'm scared." and he said "So be scared." And every excuse and fear I could throw out he shot down and said "You will find a way, how much are YOU worth to YOU?"

  That became my mantra. I printed it and posted it everywhere in my house. I finally asked my husband to move out (and he moved right in with his girlfriend). I couldn't afford the house alone so I moved into a condo. I started nursing school. And I also decided it was time for once in my life to take care of ME. This friend, who I will always say saved my life, he runs. Just 5k's and stuff, but he suggested I should make a goal of running one last summer. So in May of 2012 I bought my first pair of running shoes, laced up, and hit the track with the couch to 5k app.

  I ran..... every day. I ran when I was sad, I ran when I was scared, I ran when I was angry, I ran when I was happy. Running...... saved me.... on many occasions. It saved me from myself. I could ponder problems, or escape them. In July of 2012 I ran my first 5k. Then I registered for the Princess half at Disney in February. You can see on my page that since that first 5k, the anniversary of which was just last week, I have completed 20 something races. My next goal is the DOPEY challenge at Disney in January. 48.6 miles in 4 days culminating in my first full marathon.

  Me today? I'm 65 pounds lighter that when I started. I wear a size 4 which I have NEVER seen in my LIFE. I've gotten A's in nursing school and should be an RN by this time next year. My kids are well adjusted. I don't even recognize the person I was last year..... at all.

  Now.... as I say on my page I am not the poster child for change. I fell in love with the "friend" who saved me, and I fell hard. Unfortunately he was also at a rocky point in a relationship that he chose to go back to. And this was within the past month. I WAS DEVASTATED all over again. I cannot look at ANYTHING in my life right now without being reminded of him. I cannot even be mad at him even though he probably deserves it, because I feel he did SO much for me. And now, I am finally realizing, the only person who needs to validate my accomplishments and be proud of me.... is ME. How much AM I worth to ME? I went from being completely dependent on someone, to being emotionally dependent on another. But as he reminded me, YOU did all these things this year, I just watched you blossom.

  So now.... I still think about him when I run. I still love him. I don't know when that hurt will go away. But I also think about me. About how far I've come. About how much more I love myself now than I did before. About how much stronger and more confident I am now than I was before, not only in my abilities as a runner, but in my abilities as a mother, a co-worker, a student, and a HUMAN BEING. When I think about stopping, I think about how far I've come, and I think about how much further I want to go..... and stopping no longer becomes an option.

  
  

  Thanks Jenifer!!! I loved being able to share your story and to see how another runner hangs in there and never stops!! By the way the Princess Half is my bucket list race!!! It's the race I would love to most be able to do!!!!