Who am I?

Who am I? Sounds like an assignment from my philosophy 201 class and I wonder if I had been a runner then if my paper would have said something different. 

Not many people have seen completely at ease me. The real me. Not the me who bites her tongue to keep the peace. (At times I am surprised I have a tongue left). Not the me who smiles and nods with everything ok. Not the me who's feelings are hurt and I'm crying and raging on the inside while I joke on the outside. Not the me nervous of making a wrong impression, afraid I won't be liked. Party Christina is as close as some people get to seeing the real me unless you see me when I'm running. 

Running sets me free, it gives me time to think, reflect, feel. Even when I'm running with a person or a group, I'm me. I say things that I would probably keep hidden if not for my feet pounding the road and my pretty pink laces smiling at me. I feel things out there. In fact I often hide the real me from even myself but as the miles pile up and the PRs come in I am discovering ways to keep that me I find when I'm running to stick around after the run. Because running is teaching me that I am enough. I am ME and I am enough. I can't be like anyone else and in fact for all the wishing my body would change and look like a model, a runner, or a hot mom I don't really want it too because well then I wouldn't be me. 

So I am ME. I am:

Mind numbingly afraid of owls, even ones I see in books or on clothes

I am afraid of rejection. 

My feelings are hurt easily, I am sensitive. 

I work really hard on not being jealous and mean. 

I hate being catty but I know that at times I am. 

I love doing things for people. Random acts of kindness are my favorite things to do. 

I love my children beyond words. And can't believe that I am their mom. Those two perfect little people who make my day every morning. 

I am sensitive. Super sensitive which is sometimes hard. 

I think i am funny. 

I love my ears and my birthmark. 

Before kids I used to be proud of my ummm chest but now eh it's not the greatest and that's ok. 

I have a Maine accent but its a small one. 

I suffer from anxiety. Sometimes it's paralyzing. 

I suffer from infertility. Unexplained infertility which means I don't know how to fix it. 

I hate not being able to solve things. 

I like to be organized. 

I am a procrastinator. 

My favorite color is navy.

I love philosophy and Socratic discussions. 

I love being spontaneous and wacky. 

My husband is truly my best friend. He gets me and still loves me. In fact he probably loves me because of all these things I am discovering while running. He has probably seen them all along while I was too busy hiding them. 

These are things that are me. And during tomorrow's run I will probably discover more. I wonder what my marathon training will bring out. After all, that's a lot of miles of discovering I have to look forward too.