Honey Do you Need a Ride?

One night on Facebook, I stumbled upon something pretty awesome.  A book club, a virtual book club.  A book club that was going to read running books.  Hell ya I was interested, I was hooked actually.  I am so extremely excited that Wendy from Taking the Long Way Home had this genius idea.  We are doing a Book Club/Blog link up where we review each of the books.  I was excited and I dived right into the first book, Honey Do You Need A Ride? Confessions of a FAT Runner by Jennifer Graham.

From page one, I was into it.  The author has a great way of making it seem like she is actually talking to you, getting you to think about things and several times I found myself actually responding out loud.  Head shakes, hmmmm mmmm, and WHAT?!.  Those were my top responses throughout the whole book.  I found myself, cheering for her, sort of hating her and waiting and wanting to know what the hell happened next.  There were a few times that I was super interested in what she was saying, hanging on every word and just like me she has this tendency to get side tracked and boom random and other words and thoughts were coming across the page.  I wanted to interrupt and say no no no go back, finish the other story I want to hear about what happened.  Go back in THAT direction.

Jennifer is real and witty and I found myself chuckling in truths.

"Don't get me wrong.  I love to run.  I'm good at it, and I can go on forever.  The spirit cries "gazelle." But the shadow yells "walrus." It blows me up by at least twenty pounds."

How true is this?! For me anyway so very true.  I have NEVER looked like a runner, hell I don't really even look like I work out.  You know the whole "Fitness" craze on social media? About "Fitness this whole burger, pizza, cake, pie in my mouth?  Yeah I am more along the lines of that is how I role fitness style.  Except is that the truth?  I do not know how people actually see me, only how I see myself and like Jennifer I have ALWAYS seen myself as a fat runner.  Why?  Because I am was that fat girl.  You know the nice one, the one with pretty eyes, who blends into the back ground of all the gorgeous gals out there. That fat girl never really goes away.  103 pounds lighter at my lightest (right now I am about 15 pounds shy of my lightest) and I still see that fat girl, hear that fat girl and hide that fat girl.   Here though is where I find some issues.

I have been working HARD and by hard I mean the biggest challenge I have ever faced in my life, this year.  2015 is the year I will FLY. (Finally LOVE Yourself).  Loving myself is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I AM worth it.  I need to stop seeing myself as the fat girl, the slow runner, the mediocre mom, the unorganized, poorly dressed hot mess and I need to embrace me for ME.  I need to get rid of these images that I have given myself, let them go.  I need to look at myself and see perfection.  I am perfect and absolutely wonderful.  I am perfect for ME.  This challenge has been tough and I it has been getting easier and easier until near the end of the book I realized that, the author was feeding into my self loathe.  I was starting to hate my body and the way it looked.  Hate my pace and my non runner clothes.  Especially when I learned  that Jennifer is about what I weigh.  Just a few pounds separate us, and her pace? Her pace is the same as mine too (faster right now in fact).  I put the book down and I thought.  Here is this wonderfully funny, talented author and if she thinks she is fat and slow then being about the same I must be too?

I put the book down.  I didn't want to read anymore.  I didn't like how all of the things I have been working so hard on were flooding back and making me doubt myself again.

Then, I picked the book up.  Jennifer writes so well and has a way of just capturing my attention, that I must finish.  I need to know.  I am glad I did, because in the end I realized that Jennifer is more like me than I thought.  She too does battle with that fat girl in her head.  (Because after a google image search I can assure you that she is NOT fat).  But you know what?  Just like me Jennifer is making progress towards dreams and goals.  Towards loving herself and finding happiness.  She ran around that lake, that lake symbolizes so much.  It symbolizes pride in achievement and goals and dreams and basically a big ole middle finger to anyone who thought that you couldn't.  Because YOU can.  You can run the lake, or the half marathon or you can FLY!

"I've been thinking I haven't achieved anything because I haven't lost any weight, but there it is. A sense of achievement that didn't come from my children, or my writing, or my oft-admired ability to remember birthdays.  A sense of achievement that comes from the simple fact that I run."

Overall, I highly recommend this book.  It is well written and witty and speaks to the soul.  When reading it you are not reading words but having a conversation. You are listening to a funny yet soul baring story of a woman, a mom, a runner who is learning to love herself.  Who hasn't yet shaken the fat girl in her head, but has added in some other inspiring voices of motivators with her dead running coach and beloved Dr. George Sheehan who is also deceased.   I found this comforting because I too have full blown conversations in my head and it means I am not along in this or truly crazy.

I found myself, wanting to meet Jennifer, to run with her and stand with her while cheering for the Boston runners.  I want to have ice cream with her and swap stories.  But most of all I think I want to have her take me to the place she goes for her Runner's Revenge massage.  Now, that is something that I am afraid I need :)

Oh on a side note, I found out that Jennifer too, runs in more than one sports bra and that there is actually a runner term for that: Double Bagging. (Sometimes I find myself Triple Bagging and it is terrible!) You learn something new every day!

How about YOU?  Have you read this book?  Or any other great running books that you would recommend? Want to join in on the blog book club link up?