The perfect storm for frustration in anyone's life, runner or not. I have set out on a mission, a mission that seemed impossible and I knew was pretty impossible but I wanted it and wanted it BAD! I sort of thought in the back of my mind, I could pull it off, there was hope there. I can no longer deny the fact that it just isn't going to happen.
I wanted to be a product tester, I wanted to write reviews. I thought ok let's get things started, grow my media outlets, grow my readership and make it happen. One company in particular has me day dreaming of the day I am chosen, the day I am chosen to review a product that I already love, but would LOVE to find out how in the last 10 years it has changed and became better. However, I have failed.
Blah how I HATE that word, but it is true. It is more than the self doubt talking. Self doubt was before I started trying. It was the voice that told me it was impossible but you see I had hope. I had hope I could some how pull it off. I tried, I did everything I could but here is the thing, here is where I am flawed. I am mediocre.
I am a mediocre runner. I won't ever be elite. I won't win races, BQ, or run anywhere close to a phenomenal pace. I do not look like a runner. In a line up of 100 people I would never be picked out as the runner. In fact, I am pretty sure when people find out I run, they don't believe me based on how I look. I do not have this amazing, overcoming obstacles, holy shit running story. I have a mediocre one. No media source or magazine is going to contact me to get my story out there. It's nothing special, it doesn't resonate with the masses. I can't even blog in a way that attracts readers. I have 3 followers and get 10 page views at most.
It is hard letting go. (Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore.... seriously, tell me you didn't start immediately singing that as well). For a year now I have dreamed of the day where I would be accepted into this running world in the sense of being able to have fun with running gear and products. Well, today is the day. I am climbing out of my tower, no I am kidding I am not Repunzel either, ha! Today is the day I am letting go of my dreams. I am accepting the fact that once again in my life I am mediocre and nothing special.
What does this mean? It means my efforts to grow my social media pages is gone. I do not care about the numbers anymore. I am not popular enough to attract the attention of big running companies and I no longer care if my following decreases. Here is what I am going to do instead.
I am going to ROCK THE HELL out of my mediocre status and inspire the people that have stuck with me from the beginning. Because this former fat girl, mama and runner can encourage, cheer and be there for the people who have been there for me. I no longer care about fitting in with the in crowd. I am going to make my own!!!!
And if my 3 followers want to start a collection for a donation to the Crazy Mama Runner stroller fund I wouldn't be all that upset... After all I think it is going to be easier to get 500 strangers to each donate $1 than to get BOB Strollers to see me as an athlete and let me do a review ;)
I'm a new follower... :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you John for being here!
DeleteHaha! I love it, and yes, I did start singing "Let it Go"... That song is permanently etched into my brain :) I would love to donate toward a BOB stroller for you :) I so wish I had one when Jonathan was a newborn :) I love your blog, and how real you are. You don't try to hide things, or act fake, you talk about your struggles, and it's great! Thank you for that :)
ReplyDeleteOh Sarah you are such a sweetheart!!! Thank you for your kind comment. And yes that song is what I wake up too. My 2 year old sings it as soon as he gets up every morning. Down the hall hr comes singing.
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