Finding yourself: You are never JUST a mama!

I am sure I am not alone when I answer with oh I am just a mom, when people ask me what my career is.  It's sort of like saying as a runner oh I have only run JUST a half, or JUST a 10k.  But here is the thing, yes you are a runner and you ran a half or a 10k or yes you are a mom but you are NEVER JUST a runner or a mom.  Being a mom is hard, its a selfless job and we often times get wrapped up in our mommy duties and we forget that we too are people.  People that also at times need to be the priority.  We need prime time bathroom or shower slots sometimes, we need to have "time outs" and special snacks or rewards.  But here is the thing about being a mom; when we remember that we too count and we become "selfish" and make ourselves a priority it opens the door for our kids and spouses, family and friends to get to know the real person you are.  So they can see how strong, brave, determined, inspiring and real you are.

This is what our Wicked Inspiring Wednesday runner did!!! She started to take herself out of the dark and into the light.  She made herself a priority so that she could shine for her kids.  Meet Kelly, author of the blog Seelife3D, who decided that she was worth the time.  And she took the time to discover herself.  Which in turned changed the like of her whole family.

I decided I needed to change my lifestyle. I had given birth to twin girls that had just turned one-year-old not too long before. I could no longer use the excuse of “I just had babies” anymore. My weight had reached the point where not only were clothes not fitting, but my joints were beginning to hurt.  I couldn’t comfortably sit on the floor with my kids, let alone kneel. And my mood was dark. I had lost who I was as a person. I was “just” a momma and a stay-at-home wife; I made every effort not to go out of my house unless I had to. My weight had increased to 228 pounds and my 5’4’ body was struggling.

My place of comfort had gotten so dark, that my husband urged me to go find help.  He felt maybe finding a professional would help me sort out my thoughts and feelings. That was the best decision that I could have ever made for my family and me.  I started going to therapy:  talking, opening up, getting to know this woman I had become.  In therapy, I learned that it was okay to have the feelings I did as a new mother; they were normal emotions. But the mistake I made was I became so wrapped up in the needs of my babies, my husband, my house, and my dog, that I neglected myself.  I had not placed myself anywhere on the priority list.

Little by little, I began to try to give myself the priority, and in the beginning it was small. At first, it was just getting out of the house alone twice a week for thirty minutes to walk. When I walked, I was able to clear the cobwebs from my brain. I smiled, and I enjoyed the still silence of nature around me. A month went by and I was consistently walking twice a week.  I began to look at what my family and I were eating, and slowly I started to change some of our food choices. I joined “MyfitnessPal” and began to record what I put into my mouth; that helped with portion control. I was faithful to my daily calorie total. I made sure to hit it, but not to go over.

Another month or so went by, and little by little the weight began to disappear.  I had a couple of friends that had started the Couch to 5k program. They found it to be successful. I quickly said, “Oh, I never enjoyed running.  I could always walk faster than I could run. It’s not for me.” But my curiosity got the best of me, so I downloaded it and decided to try.

It sucked. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I gave it my all and by the end of week two of the program, I was not only in a lot of pain, I wasn’t able to run or ‘wog’ (walk/jog). I cried to a dear friend about what was happening, and I will never forget what she said. She said to step away from the program, and that maybe I needed to lose a good deal of weight before trying it again.  My friend suggested that I should stick to walking since I enjoyed it so much. I had to stop and put my big girl panties on and say, “Okay, I will do just that; I will not fail.” I went back to walking, but this time I would time myself, and each time I would work on beating the previous time. I joined a boot camp class, and learned about weights and the beloved kettle bell.  I bought a kettle bell and began working with it and a couple of DVDs at home.

By the end of September 2012, I had lost close to 30 pounds. My routine was boot camp on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; kettle bell workout on Tuesdays; walking on Thursdays. By mid-October, I was noticing that I could run during the warm up at boot camp class. I could even run with a bit of ease. So I thought, “Okay! Let’s see if the Couch to 5 k will be different this time.” AND IT WAS. I wasn’t in pain; I wasn’t fast, but I could do it and not be in pain. That was huge. By early November, I walked away from boot camp, and filled my workout time with kettle bell DVDs and the Couch to 5k program. By the end of November, I registered for my first 5k. I was able to run half of the 5k nonstop which I was so proud of, because to me that was HUGE. After the first race, I just kept going, scheduling twice a week runs. I pushed the runs longer every few weeks to challenge myself.

In February 2013, I was asked to join a Ragnar team. I thought the leader was nuts and told her so. I mean I was (and still am) new to running; I had only one race under my belt. I couldn’t even make it over four miles yet. But she had faith in me and felt I would be a perfect addition to the team. She told me to keep doing what I was doing and I would be fine by July. So I put my faith in her and signed on.   In March of 2013, I ran my second 5k and ended up taking second in my age group. May came and I ran in my first 12k race. June is here and I completed my first 10k.

People ask me why I run, and I tell them because I feel alive. It lets me breathe. The respect I have for the sport is deep. It has not only changed me, but also my family and the relationships with those around me. I want to be a strong role model for my twin two-year-old girls who ask me, “Momma, you were eXERcising?” (then they do a little running in place flash dance style). I want to help those around me that are dealing with dark moments, extra weight or just feeling like they no longer know who they are.  I want them to know it’s not the end, that it’s not a wall that you cannot get over; however, it is a crossroad in life where you have to decide that you are important, that you matter, and that you are worth it.

To date I’m still 5’4’ (ha ha), and I’ve lost a little over 85 pounds. But I’ve gained more physically, mentally, socially and emotionally than I ever thought possible.